"Why Exercise is Wise" began with quotes, drawing the audience in and making this essay personal by having it begin with '"Come on!" your gym teacher bellows. "Just one more
lap!"
"Why don't you head outside - it's a beautiful day, perfect for getting
some exercise," your mom says' (Anonymous). It's imagery. It brings to mind those days in elementary school running laps and rock climbing on one of the walls and doing that thing where all the kids lift that rainbow colored blanket up and then quickly sit down inside the dome it forms. Nostalgic. Then the picture of a sunny day with joggers listening to their iPods while their dog trots along side them. Then the author plunges into the article with "Exercise is a word you hear everywhere - and for good reason. Exercise is a very important part of life..." (Anonymous). It was a fantastic opening and a nice way to transition into the informational part.Again in the next paragraph, the author begins with "'So what? How does that affect me?' you may be thinking" (Anonymous). Acknowledging that whoever is reading the essay may not really particularly be caring or believing his/her point that exercise is important for a healthy lifestyle is important in getting those readers to listen. Getting them to think, "Well, yeah, that is what I'm thinking, so..?" and having them be more attentive to the details. The author moves into the transition for the next paragraph by telling how exercise is important for all parts of the body, but that "probably the best place to start is your heart" (Anonymous). He/she then describes in what ways the heart is the strongest muscle and how exercise makes your heart stronger. Finally, the author ropes in other types of readers - teens, people who are more artistic than athletic, etc. by giving examples of how they can get their exercise in a way they enjoy as well as a way that will be beneficial to them.
I think the only problem I had with this article was the same problem I had with the last one I read for a close reading...the fact that this author stated once that "doctors have done studies..." to show how exercise is important, but he/she did not give any specific statistics or studies that had been done. Details like those are really what makes the words on a page become reality to most every day Americans. Overall, I thought for how short the essay was, the structure was nice, and the transitions were really well done. This anonymous author did a good job as well, as I said, in using examples to interest different groups of people.
http://center.dordt.edu/266.543units/bodsquad/persuasive_article.html
^link to the article
Lauren,
ReplyDeleteyou did a good job using quotes. It could be a little clearer what these quotes are (DIDLS) and how the author uses them to create an overall meaning (XXX).
Well done with quote usage and using imagery in your own writing. You reach out to the reader very well!
ReplyDeleteI would suggest being clearer on what parts of DIDLS you're addressing. For example, it's clear you used "imagery", but the others are not stated and come off as a little vague.
Also, in general, avoiding first person pronouns is advised for most writing like this. Replacing "I think" or "I said" with more ambiguous phrases like "It should be noted" or "As previously stated" will easily fix this.
Lauren, please choose essays more thoughtfully--the article you've chosen is really not high-quality and isn't useful for expanding your vocabulary or your experience of adult writing strategies. It sounds like it might have been written by a lower division college student. =)
ReplyDeleteFor next month, please set your Close Reading post up as a formal argumentative essay. As Madaleine notes, that means no 1st person. You need an intro that gives a clear thesis--what do you want to prove about what this author's tone is, or about what this author's bias is, etc.? Then you need clear claim sentences to begin each paragraph and at least three pieces of evidence per paragraph, with each piece of evidence clearly explained by a well-reasoned warrant.